I only have two hands.

One time I asked my son why he didn`t play with two children at once at daycare and he explained that he only had two hands.  This comment instantly made me understand that, just like in adulthood, playing with other kids takes attention.  It`s by no means a mindless activity.

A friend directed me to the blog One Continuous Mistake, with the tag line, Zen and Parenting. It`s written by partners Tracy and Koun Franz. Koun is a Soto Zen Priest and Tracy is a writer and teacher. They co-write a beautiful blog about their experiences raising two young children.  Instantly, I felt a kind of kinship with their writing and one of my favourite posts so far is Two Hands Mama.  Their deceptively simple, reflective and well written posts document their spiritual journey towards mindfulness in parenting.

Blogging has been a forum for me to understand more deeply my and others experiences and reactions to parenting.  Writing through the regret for things I wish I hadn`t said to my kids and the regrets for not doing more for them has helped me listen more astutely ànd in different ways than I am used to to all the words that come out of their mouths. It has been an attempt, however faltering, to transform regret into understanding and acceptance.

My kids, tracking my every move as they do, reflect back things I don`t want to know about myself as they slowly reveal to me their own growth-spurting selves. All hands on deck.